As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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