in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize