the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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