Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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