apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
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You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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