im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
