I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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