I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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