i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
