Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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