your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
