I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
