You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
