we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
People in love make me want to vomit
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
