im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
