i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
