Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
