dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
