Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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