So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
