I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
