I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
