Screwed.edu
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
