Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
