She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
