If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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