Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I still have a little drunk in my system
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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