About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's shark week go big or go home
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
