Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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