Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
