Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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