I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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