god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
