I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
