Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
