So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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