So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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