Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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