I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
