I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
