I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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