margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
