This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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