I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
