On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
