The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
