i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
