remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
