i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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