My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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