I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
