I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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