just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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