I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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