In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.