Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.