i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE