I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed