I just saw a hot homeless man
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.