The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
