She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
