walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
