1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
