youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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