I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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