I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
